ASSD Celestial Reviews 320 =?US-ASCII?Q?=96?= March 21, 1999
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Subject: ASSD Celestial Reviews 320 =?US-ASCII?Q?=96?= March 21, 1999
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Celestial Reviews 320 – March 21, 1999
Note: Two statues have been standing in a park for 100 years. They are a pair
of young lovers, reaching their hands towards one another, not quite touching.
They've been that way for 100 years, reaching out, but never quite touching.
An angel flies over and takes pity on them because they've been reaching out
for so long and never quite touching. The angel summons all his strength and
powers and brings them to life.
The angel tells them, "I have brought you to life, but I can only do this for
half an hour. My powers cannot give you any more. But for that half-hour you
may do whatever it is you've been wishing to do for the 100 years you've been
there, reaching out to one another but never quite touching."
The pair thank the angel and disappear into the bushes. There is much
grunting, groaning, and rustling of leaves.
After 15 minutes the couple re-emerge, looking very happy. "You've only used
15 minutes and I gave you half an hour," said the angel. "Why don't you go
back and do it again?"
"Oh, yes!" said the young man to the young girl. "Why don't we? But this time
you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it."
Second note: This week somebody sent me a couple of megabytes of stories that
appeared during my hiatus, along with a note that I "really shouldn't miss
these!" I looked at a few and immediately became very grateful. I'll try to
catch up on them at the rate of a couple each week. I suppose Techguy may have
to look harder to find a few of these Links, but it will be worth it.
Third note: Miss Behavin' is helping coordinate the proofreading service. It's
a very good idea to have someone read and reaader, or if you want to volunteer
to help someone else, contact me or Miss B.
Fourth note: If you are interested in writing an occasional review for
Celestial Reviews, please contact me. I lost all the addresses of my previous
reviewers in my Great Crash.
Fifth note: Even though someone else is posting this for me, my address is
still .
Blowjob Principle: My contribution to the world of which I am the proudest is
my proclamation of the Blowjob Principle, which states, "If you ever want to
get a second blowjob, you should do something to make the giver happy about
having given you the first blowjob." These stories are blowjobs. If you want
to keep on getting good stories, you should do something to make the authors
glad they wrote the ones you have already read and enjoyed.
You may find this hard to believe, but even really good writers like to hear
from their audience. One of the best things you can do is send the author a
little note that says, "I really liked your story because…."
As far as I know, all the authors of the stories I review receive no
compensation beyond the satisfaction of writing these stories, and your
response can contribute to that satisfaction. The Blowjob Principle is
applicable to all areas of life. For example, if your English teacher does a
good job, she's more likely to repeat that performance if you make her happy
that she went through all the trouble to prepare the lesson so well.
So remember the Blowjob Principle: "If you ever want to get a second blowjob,
you had better make the giver happy about having given you the first one."
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"The Beach Party " by The Devil in Blue Jeans (romance) 7, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455045580
"Full House: DJ & Stephanie" by HaRkOnIn (ff sitcom parody)
7, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453731462
"God's Great Plan" by Al Steiner" (humping the bible thumper)
7, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=442739134
"Genesis" by R. B. Morton II and C. L. Braxton (romantic rough love)
6, 5, 5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451095258
"Seeing Stars" by Poison Ivan ().
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647452
"Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth" by Baird Allen (sex after vasectomy)
10, 9.5, 9.5
http://baird.pair.com/baird/tenth02.htm
"Archaeology" by Gordie (romance at the campsite) 8.5, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454493872
"From the Clay" by Adhara Law (sexy art) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647372
"That Long Distance Feeling" by Jordan Shelbourne (sci-fi sex)
10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409321597
"The Subtleties of Justice" by MichaelD (torture) 10, 9.5, 8
{For some reason we couldn't find a link for this story. Perhaps the author
will repost it.}
"Refreshment" by Prufrock54 (depraved reminiscence) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455809247
"Chaining the Master" by Adhara Law (bdsm) 10, 9, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409012951
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Touch Control by Artie (sexual technology). Homer: 9, 7, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435943076
"The Bet" by Jane Smith (betting on sex). Myers: 8.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=448655250
"Colours of the Soul" by Crimson Dragon (bdsm psychodrama).
BillyG: 10, 9, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417418670
"Proper PH" by Spunk N. Wagnels (sex club sex).
Emperor: 9, 5, 5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610074
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610080
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610061
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610067
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610066
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"The Beach Party " by The Devil in Blue Jeans ().
Web site: www.geocities.com/Paris/Cafe/5790/romance.html
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455045580
Beach parties can be sexy; and a story about a beach party could be really
hot, even if the title line clearly says "no sex."
This story is probably a lot hotter to the person who wrote it and possibly to
the one person with whom he wants to share it than it was for me. The grammar
and sentence structure are sometimes awkward and interfere with the emotions
the author wants to convey. In addition, while sometimes giving extreme
attention to minute details, the story still leaves too much to the
imagination.
The most basic question is this: in a newsgroup devoted to sex stories, what
is gained by omitting all the sex in this romantic story?
Ratings for "The Beach Party "
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Full House: DJ & Stephanie" by HaRkOnIn ().
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453731462
The protagonists in this story are characters in "Full House," one of those TV
sitcoms in which cute little kids and adolescents argue with one another and
solve life's problems as they move toward adulthood and the American Dream.
The main problem with this story is that it comes across as the wishful
thinking of a smart seventh-grade girl. The grammar and sentence structure
aren't awful, but they don't really help much with the story. The sex between
DJ and Stephanie is hot but unimaginative.
Ratings for "Full House: DJ & Stephanie"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"God's Great Plan" by Al Steiner" ()
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=442739134
Jason's closest childhood friend was Mike Tilden, whose father was a
fundamentalist Christian whose specific religion I could not ascertain from
the description of beliefs and practices in the story. Anyway, one day Jason
goes to visit Mike, but he's not home; so Jason chats with Mike's mom. When
she starts to breast feed Mike's baby brother, Jason tries to leave; but Mom
insists that this is perfectly natural, and so Jason stays to watch. As she
says, "There's nothing more beautiful than breast feeding a baby."
So far we're fairly orthodox here.
However, the baby drains only one breast, and Mom asks Jason to suck the other
dry. Jason does his part. Noticing that Jason is uncomfortable, Mrs. T. asks
him if he's ever seen a vagina before. Then she corrects that omission. I
guess you can see where this is going. Pretty soon we're too the "You can fit
more fingers than that in" stage. She explains that this is all part of God's
great plan; but personally I think the devil made her do it!
On a grammatical note, we have this sentence: "Trembling, my head filled with
lust, I stared at her, reaching for the buttons on my pants." Amazingly, these
participles are all used correctly – at least if Jason is trembling and Mrs.
T. is reaching for the buttons. In fact, I think this exact sentence appears
in the unexpurgated edition of Boswell's Life of Johnson.
Back to the story. Mrs. T. interprets her activities with Jason as a sort of
biblical scholarship – a sort of correction factor for her husband's extreme
priggishness. This is nonsense, of course, but these tales of overcoming
religious prudery are often quite enjoyable.
Ratings for "God's Great Plan"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Genesis" by R. B. Morton II and C. L. Braxton (.com
.)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451095258
This is the story of a relationship that begins with cybersex and continues
into very passionate real sex. A lot of the action is very, very hot. But the
storyline is very, very confusing. There is potential for a very good story
here, but right now it simply doesn't make it. I am presenting the following
analysis not to trash the authors, but to offer help to them and to others who
have their own stories to tell.
First, when verb tenses change, the reader has a right to suspect that events
are happening at a different time. Not in this story. The authors change from
past to present and back again for no apparent reason. This may sound like
hypercriticism from an English teacher, but it's not. I think most readers
will be annoyed by this flaw. I honestly don't understand why the authors
didn't simply take the time to proofread the story and to straighten things
out.
Second, in addition to the problems with verb tense, there are numerous other
grammar problems. Alone these would be minor annoyances. But they combine with
other problems to seriously sabotage the story.
Third, the action is sometimes chaotic. For example, within just a few
sentences we have Lynn passing out while Ron is fucking her, then the two of
them in bed, then Lynn masturbating while she is in her own car leading Ron
back to the highway, then a reference to her having a threesome with two guys
we never heard of, and then Lynn masturbating in the shower, relieving herself
while she relives the day's events. All of this COULD make sense and be
extremely sexy, but it came across to me as just plain confusing. Again, the
authors should have cooperated with each other to make this joint effort
become the sexy story that it could be.
Fourth, the authors strike an improper balance between important and trivial
details. They need to exercise better judgment in deciding when additional
details make the characters more lifelike and when the details become
digressions.
Fifth, the story spends too much time at the beginning with a sort of
psychological analysis based on generalizations rather than actions. For
example, we are told by Ron that Ron is perceptive and trusts his instincts.
Most readers would prefer to be SHOWN that Ron has these characteristics,
rather than to have Ron tell us that he does.
Finally, one thing I really don't understand in this story is the Ron's
apparent distinction between a man having orgasms and ejaculating: "I've had
God know how many orgasms without ejaculating and it's high time I got inside
that tight hole of hers." What am I missing here? I thought the ejaculation
WAS the man's orgasm.
Within this narrative there is the basis of a really good story. However, it
is clear to me that what the authors did was exchange email six or seven
times, each time adding to what the other author said in his/her most recent
message. It's obvious that "Lynn" lost interest in the story before "Ron" did,
forcing the story to an awkward ending. What the authors have to realize is
that they simply cannot expect to write a complete story by exchanging email
like this. This strategy essentially defeats the purpose of joint authorship.
If two authors are going to work together, they should interact with each
other, suggest revisions for each other, and make adjustments to their own
writing based on what the other has written or suggested. Authors who
cooperate in this way can greatly enhance their own writing by tapping into
the minds and souls of their partners. Failure to do so causes "cooperative"
efforts to degenerate into stories that are substantially worse than they
would be had they been written by a single author.
Ratings for "Genesis"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Seeing Stars" by Poison Ivan ().
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647452
While the narrator is in Charlotte watching somebody fix computers, he is
constantly distracted by his memories of a budding relationship with a woman
with whom he had had sex for the first time just before departing on this
business trip. Since the sex on their first encounter had been so rushed and
distracted, he's afraid they may not really be compatible, As soon as he gets
back to Portland, he checks; and I'm pretty sure they are compatible.
After a session of literally hot sex in an apartment without air conditioning,
they retire to the countryside, where Dawn shares with our narrator her
knowledge of the stars. You'll have to read the story to understand the full
meaning of this sentence: "The middle of ... Sagittarius ... is also known as
.... the Milk Dipper."
As a cute touch, the author named the heroine Dawn, thus making possible this
line: " I'd never seen anything like it. Nothing at all like Dawn coming.
I used to have a nun for a teacher in the eighth grade who used to refuse to
make comparisons among her students. "Comparisons are odious," she used to
say. She was probably right. For example, there really wasn't much point
comparing my tits to Barbara's, because her bazookas were odious. However,
sometimes comparisons are useful, even though they may embarrass someone who
is part of the comparison. That's why I am going to compare this story to
"Genesis," which I reviewed just before this story.
The main advantage this story has compared to "Genesis" is that this one
follows a consistent point of view and employs a single writing style. In
addition, it is free of distracting errors in grammar and verb tense. Those
mistakes don't just arouse the wrath of English teachers; they give readers an
opportunity to lose whatever natural momentum there is in the story.
Ratings for "Seeing Stars"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth" by Baird Allen ().
http://baird.pair.com/baird/tenth02.htm
This story appeared around the time my computer crashed at the end of 1998.
Somebody recently sent me a copy with a suggestion that I take a look at it,
and I am glad I followed that advice. This was a most enjoyable story to
review. I don't want to ruin it for you; so I'll just say it's a romantic
story about two normal but sexy people in love. Having said that, I'll comment
on one realistic and one unrealistic aspect of the story.
First the realistic part. Yes, it IS possible to give take the post-vasectomy
sperm sample at home instead of having the man jerk off into a bottle in the
doctor's office. I know this from personal experience. And the lab technicians
are apparently quite capable of ignoring saliva when they do the analysis.
Next, the unrealistic part. I think it would be flat-out unwise (I hate to use
the word stupid) for a man to ejaculate a dozen times within two days of
having a vasectomy. I am told there are men who go right back to work after
their vasectomy, but I think the little soldier deserves some time to
recuperate. I don't want to scare you guys, but my husband sat in front of the
TV with an ice pack on his balls for a day after he got his vasectomy. He
didn't mind, because I had worn him out up till an hour before the surgery;
and he appreciated the time to recover. Then we were very gentle for a while.
In addition, I'm not a sperm-count specialist; but I suspect that the repeated
firing of Old Faithful would reduce the sperm count and give an artificially
low test result. In other words, in the unlikely event that the flow had been
reduced but not stopped by the vasectomy, the supply of sperm would be diluted
by the repeated ejaculations, and the sample would register an unwarranted low
count. This could defeat the whole purpose of the surgery.
Having said that, I really can't deduct too much for this unrealism. After
all, we suspend reality in a large number of the stories on this newsgroup.
This was a really good, romantic, sexy story.
Ratings for "Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Archaeology" by Gordie ().
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454493872
The husband and wife are an archaeological team. In the story they have very
pleasant sex. However, some of the more interesting parts of the story occur
during Emily's memory flashbacks to her more naïve earlier experiences with
her husband. It seems that in those days she took a rather academic approach
to sex, but she was a fast learner.
If I were to offer this author some advice, it would be to use more dialogue
and action in his flashbacks. Instead of telling us what they used to do
(which is already interesting), show us.
Ratings for "Archaeology"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"From the Clay" by Adhara Law ()
Author's web site at: http://asuwlink.uwyo.edu/~astarte/adhara
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=410647372
The English lit major has signed up to be a nude model. The sculptor tries to
bring her out by talking to her about Shakespeare, but then he discovers that
a different kind of stimulation brings her to life more beautifully.
This is the sort of urban myth that enables college girls to get more money
from their parents by saying, "Well, I suppose I could earn a little extra
money by modeling…." But it's also pretty hot stuff.
Ratings for "From the Clay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"That Long Distance Feeling" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409321597
The narrator is a repair technician for an asteroid smelting and launching
corporation. The pay's excellent but, of course, the job entails six-month,
solitary shifts out beyond the orbit of Mars. Heck, they don't even have sheep
or camels out there. She (our narrator) gets horny out there, and she finds a
companion a few hundred thousand miles away who happens to be a serial
monosexual who is about ready to switch back to hetero. {The exact distance
confuses me. I learned in high school that light travels 186,000 miles per
second, and the time lag for transmission is five seconds for a round trip; so
I think that's about 500,000 miles. It doesn't really matter. The point is,
they exchange sexual pleasantries by long distance video transmission with a
time delay.}
At first our narrator is embarrassed and just masturbates offline. However,
eventually they make arrangements for telesex. She puts on her humpsuit, and….
Well, it just doesn't work out. In addition to the time lag, there's a sort of
Doppler effect, because they are moving apart at the rate about 165 meters per
second, which in itself is likely to interrupt coitus.
They find a solution, but I'll let you read about that.
Ratings for "That Long Distance Feeling "
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Subtleties of Justice" by MichaelD ().
As the author states, this is a sad, depressing story with an unhappy ending
and no heroes. He says it is vile, frightening, and occasionally revolting.
However, the author also feels it is also one of the best things he has ever
written. He points out that the codes for this story are M/F, F/F, N/C, B/D,
S/M, W/S, viol, rape, scat, tort, snuff. He can't make it any plainer than
that. You can't say you haven't been warned.
Throughout the story, Weasel (actually, Wendy) is being tortured in horrible
ways. However, that's not as awful as it sounds, because she deserves what she
is getting. That's because she is being punished for the sins she herself has
committed as a member of the Black Widows, a group of violent lesbians who
wrought havoc wherever they went. The goal of her tormenters in prison is to
punish her for her crimes against society. They are going to break her down to
her basest essence. They are going to try to make her feel and understand the
anguish and pain she has caused her victims.
The people who run the prison grade their prisoners on a merit/demerit system.
The lower Weasel's ratio of merits to demerits is, the worse her punishments
are. She earn merits by displaying quick and eager compliance with her orders
and responsibilities. She earn demerits by continuing to resist.
Since some of the punishments involve sex organs, I suppose it's correct to
consider this a sex story.
Probably the most noteworthy characteristic of this story is that it holds the
reader's attention: if you don't throw the story aside in disgust well before
the end of the first chapter, you're going to find yourself coming back for
more, even though it will make you sick.
I might add that the sort of punishment described in this story has a chance
of working only when the victims have no hope at all of ever retaliating.
That's something I learned in Teachers College. If the victims have any chance
of kicking your ass in revenge, you might as well try a strategy with a lower
probability of side effects. All teachers learn this, and that's why our
schools work so well.
I really don't think some of the things that happen in this story are
possible. It's sort of like a combination of A Clockwork Orange and Dante's
Inferno. And although I found it to be a revolting but engaging story, I do
NOT consider it to be among this author's best work.
Ratings for "The Subtleties of Justice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Refreshment" by Prufrock54 ().
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=455809247
This story is about a guy in a drunken haze who reflects upon what went wrong
with his life. This might serve as a good "scared straight" story for guys who
want to drink too much and then fool around with the little girl next door.
The story is realistic and well written but depressing. It's kind of like
reading those morbid existentialists we used to have to study back in World
Lit. {Note that I did NOT make any reference to John Milton in the previous
sentence.} Keep in mind that depression is not all bad: vicarious downs can
make the real-life ups feel higher. I think Aristotle said that.
Ratings for "Refreshment"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Chaining the Master" by Adhara Law ().
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409012951
This is a very short (two-minute) story. It leaves a lot unsaid, but it gives
an effective impression of how the one being controlled feels when she is
really controlling the person who is controlling her.
Ratings for "Chaining the Master"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Touch Control by Artie (). Guest review by Homer Vargas.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435943076
I love voices. Even a story with no plot is fun if the storyteller's voice is
engaging. Artie's is. I am playing a little game with myself. [No, not
*that,* you dirty-minded people.] After only about a page, when I have no idea
of the plot, I "scored" this story. Let's see if by the end I either change
my tune or have evidence to convince someone else.
Required plot summary: An Indian woman, having kicked out her arranged live-in
boyfriend, (the times, they are a-changin') has an idea for an improved
vibrator and goes online for help. The helper turns out to be a fellow
commuter on the same Silicon Valley-bound bus she takes every day. Discussing,
designing, testing, and re-testing the gizmo give the couple plenty, maybe too
much, time to fall in love. I was a little confused by the exact geography of
the joint testing positions, but the author seemed to know what she was
talking about. I am afraid, moreover, you can get arrested for commuting like
that on buses where I live.
There were two instances of "it was him" in dialogue, but, sigh people do
say that. At one point there was some "jelly like coating" instead of "jelly-
like coating."
It's a sweet story, maybe too sweet for some tastes, and there is not much
plot. At least a tiny bit of conflict could have made the story better, but as
I predicted, "Even a story with no plot is fun, if the storyteller's voice is
engaging." Add to Artie's voice a vivid sensory imagination -- I could smell
the perfume on Elily's breasts -- and you have a great story or at least a
great read. Don't read this one alone.
Athena 9
Venus 7 (predicted 8)
Homer 10 (predicted 9)
"The Bet" by Jane Smith (). Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=448655250
The Brits sure know how to have a good time. Especially our female
protagonist, who is a worldly girl who thinks a lot of her charms. And she's
willing to stake a bet on her ability to attract a man.
This story has a playful buildup of tension over the first segments that is
equaled by a pretty good ending. It avoids most -but not all- of the cliches
of "bet" type stories.
That said, there are ways that this piece could have been better, and umm...
tighter. Ever read a book or seen a movie that went on just a little too long,
but was otherwise quite enjoyable? I must say, I really enjoyed the bulk of
this story. However, the author tried to pack in too much at once in the final
sequence, and lost a touch of momentum in the process.
Also, at one or two points in plot, I had a hard time buying the dialog that
was being served up. For instance, during a crucial early scene at a party,
all the important players in the story are gathered around the punchbowl. One
character discusses his ex-girlfriend's sexual prowess with a little too much
advertisement to function as anything other than an overt plot adornment.
Still, there's not much to complain about overall. This appears to be only the
second story from this author to appear on a.s.s.m, and represents a worthy
effort. I look forward to more of her work.
Rating: 8.5
"Colours of the Soul" (MF, FF, cons, light bond, colours) by Crimson Dragon
() Guest Review by BillyG ()
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417418670
At the very outset, whatever else I might say in this review, let me state
that this story by Crimson Dragon, "Colours of the Soul," is a first-rate
tale, well crafted, enchanting and touching. As is so often the case in a
well-constructed, thoughtful story, there are more levels to the story than
are evident at first blush. Therein lies the appeal and, as well, the
confusion - the mystery if you will.
The plot's simple enough. It touches on intimacy, surrender, control and fear
of rejection as many do. More, it deals with the inevitable betrayal.
Jamie, a college girl, is asked by her boyfriend Brian, "Have you ever been
tied up?" She's secretly thrilled and admits that she has, "But he never tied
me up without my clothes." The stage is set.
The plot thickens a bit when her roommate Ellen later finds her bound naked in
bed with a ball gag in her mouth. At this juncture, the story dives into
darker currents and touches on Jamie's deep sense of shame and subsequently
her fear of abuse, of rape.
Brian, the cad, emerges as a self-centered, angry and manipulative young man
who, short of rape, fulfills her worst fears.
Ellen, her roommate, may have a pivotal role in this scenario, but it remains
speculative. It is clear that Jamie's psychological resolution is rooted in
her awareness of who Brain really is - a callow, indifferent and duplicitous
youth. Jamie, I think, finds some substance within herself that allows her to
own and finally express her anger.
As with many well-crafted stories, it asks more questions than it answers.
Still, it's not about a message so much as it is about feelings, about energy
and yes, about "colour."
Ratings for "The Colours of the Soul"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Proper PH" by Spunk N. Wagnels (). Guest review by
Iron Emperor.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610074
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610080
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610061
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610067
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454610066
Have you ever tried studying for a test for so long that it got to the point
you had to read each sentence twice just to understand what that statement
meant? Well, I have; and reading "Proper PH" had me feeling quite the same.
The story is written in the second person perspective, and you all know what
Celeste often tells about such stories - they're usually meant for someone
specific to read and as such can't be enjoyed by everyone. I don't know if
Spunk here wrote this story for someone in specific, but I'm pretty sure he
didn't give it to someone for proofreading in advance for posting it. As it is
I had a hard time trying to figure out the timeline of the story and who was
talking to whom each time.
The story tells us about a nightclub which tries to address an elite clientele
by not being a strip club, but still be something very sexy on its own. The
story is not arousing really, and there's hardly any explicit sex to it (just
like the club itself, actually); so if you're looking for some stroke
material, you should look somewhere else. Come to think of it, I would suggest
that you postpone reading this story until the author rewrites it. The story
has a good idea but needs to be rewritten in such a way that a person other
than the author can follow it clearly.
To number up my evaluation:
Pandora (story codes) : lesbian theme (I can't find any better coding)
Athena (technical) : 9 (and this is only for grammar)
Venus (plot & character) : 5 (I couldn't much follow the plot/characters)
Emperor (appeal to me) : 5
end
--
Uther Pendragon
Most Pendragon stories may be found:
http://www.fortunecity.com/victorian/austen/104/index.htm
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